28 December 2009


its time for this to end, for good.


i did it. i tried. put it out there. on the line.
what happens now?

27 December 2009

you're meant to go with your gut instinct right?
you've given me no reason to distrust you, yet that bit of me inside doubts every word you say.
gut instinct aye?


fuck this fuck you fuck us fuck trying fuck it all.
why. why. WHY?
never justify yourself by other peoples actions.

25 November 2009


i have come to a point in my life, where i have realised my mistakes, and have finally decided to learn from them. i am changing the way i think, and act. for my own benefit, and not for anyone elses. i dont care who cares, what people say or how people react, it is my life and my choices. i beleive i can do it, i do not need you're support or encouragement, or even your petty little digs at me, because im "not gunna do it". suck my balls for all i care. from now on, things are changing, and to be honest, i can't wait.

18 November 2009

i love alicia grace ward.

16 November 2009


So here I am, November 16 2009.
This is my 5682nd day alive on this earth.
And to this day, my life has been amazing.
I have done so many different things in my life, some good, some bad. I've made some big mistakes and done things that I regret, but I have accepted them and I have moved on. I have made friends that I've grown to love and lost friends that made me cry. I have fallen for a small number of guys, and yeah, most of them have let me down. I still have someone in my life that I think about everyday and I think of letting him go as one of my worst desicions. I have never let anyone control me, and I have never let a boy change me and I plan to keep it that way. I may have done things that have disapointed the people I love, but I have also made them so proud. I have worked hard, tried my best and gained success. I'll admit that I've also slacked off, not given a damn about things and failed but I have learnt from my failures. I have laughed, cried and had my breath taken away. I've learnt how to tell a true friend, and I've made sure I havent let any of them go. And for those people, who I have mistaken for my friends, the ones who have hurt me, I hope you grow up one day, and realise your actions. I've learnt to look on the bright side of life and not to stress the little things. I have grown up alot, become wiser and I have made goals for my future. So yeah, you might say I've changed, but its definantly for the better.

9 November 2009

You take me higher
Than I've ever been before
Baby don't let go
Cos you take me away
Baby see my love
Is for you and only you baby
You take me to a better place.


Cant wait to start clubbing!

5 November 2009

. rage

You never stop do ya?
You were my "so-called best friend" but then you seem to do everything you can to ruin the things that make me happy. Even when you knew how I felt. Makes me wonder, are you that much of a fucking bitch, or are you that much of a jealous fucking bitch?!




You're actions
are just starting
to make me realise,
You were never really my friend.

3 November 2009


Im really happy with how things went today :)
Hope it stays this way!

2 November 2009


And how does he get brought into everything?


So, why does it seem like you don't care..
Wait, when have you ever seemed to care?

1 November 2009


My my, how things have changed.
We've all changed so much, without realising it, and I'm only starting to notice that this is how things are gonna be from now on, theres no going back. We aren't ever going to be children again, and we have all definitly stopped acting like we are. We don't enjoy the simple things in life, like climbing trees or playing with marbles. We don't make the most of the world around us and we certainly don't treat our parents like we used to. We used to wish we were older, and try to be "grown up" so bad and now that we are finally getting there, its not all it cracked up to be.

I miss how things used to be.
Carefree and simple, yes please!


I don't think I'm destined to have a boyfriend, ever again.


Often we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesnt mean we've stopped loving them or we've stopped caring about them. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say..
I love you.

30 October 2009


As of today;
Life is gooooood!

28 October 2009


I want to believe that you care.
I want to believe that you used to care.
I want to believe that you ever cared.
I want to believe.
Make me believe.


Sometimes I just give up on guys.
I really do.

27 October 2009


Im not going to be sick this weekend.
Its a promise and a goal!


I think I've actually given up completely on you.

21 October 2009


All I can say is grow up!

18 October 2009


So at the mo its seems as I am in control, and I have all these choices. Pff. But really I'm not. I never really am. Because I dont try. I dont put myself out there. I dont ever put any effort in. But I do. Well I do try. Its like, hmm. Its like fishing. I am like the pro at catching the fish, but I fail at reeling them in. I can "pick the right bait, that all the fish love". I "go fishing in the right spots". And I definitly "hook the best fish". But then, its like after all of that, I have no strength left to reel it in. After all my hard work, and I end up giving up, and putting that fish back into the swim as I watch it swim away, and get caught by the next fisher, so easily. I dont really get it, because, Im confident, self-assured. I definitly have a high self esteem. So maybe that makes people think Im high mantienence. I think so high of myself, people dont even bother trying because Im just too full of myself for my own good. Huh. Thats probably it. But then what do I know?


So on one hand, I dont care.
But then, part of me wants to care.
I want to want this.
I want to not be okay with this not happening.
So maybe I do care.


So I havent really been writing much,
Probably because lately; I dont even know what to say.
I hate getting in those moods where you just want to write so much about so many diff things & its like
Where to start?

28 September 2009


So, I may not be the best with my time management, when it comes to seeing all my friends over the stretch of the holidays, but dont put all the blame on me!

23 September 2009

yeh dfh cx


So how did you get here under my skin?
I swore that I'd never let you back in
Should have known better in trying to let you go
Cause, here we go again.


What went wrong in your head, to make you think that at ANYTIME family comes second?!


it takes a very narrow-minded person to not believe.
who says you have to see something to believe it, when you've felt his almighty power?
once you experience that your life changes forever.


how can love turn into hate, in what seems like an instant?
how can life turn into death, in a matter of seconds?
how can someone who seems so perfect turn into someone so disgusting to you, just like that.

1 September 2009


30 August 2009


I have no FREAKING idea what to do!


How do I find the words to tell you
I love you
but; I dont know if I can love you anymore?

26 August 2009


" Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New Days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up "


Im insanely happy;
yet deep in sorrow,
I live for today;
But would die for tommorow.
On the outside Im laughing;
Inside I'm in tears -
Cant you just let me drift away;
And forget all my fears.

24 August 2009


I've had it with real life,
Give me my fairy godmother, my prince, and my happily ever after.

23 August 2009


I need to get my priorities straight, and rearrange afew things in my life. And yes, it may be hard, harder than what I've ever been through before, But I know, in the end; I will be better off.
Thank you lord for giving me the light to see.


I always thought I'd look back on our tears and laugh, but I never thought I'd look back on our laughter and cry.

17 August 2009


" We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give "
Winston Churchill


Im not perfect,
So stop trying bring me down over my imperfections.

13 August 2009


For all I care, those people who don't "believe" can do that, and go on doing so for aslong as they like;

And I will sit here and be thankful, that I know I have a relationship with God, and I know when I am in my cloudy times, and everything seems dull, I know, that God is there. On the other side of the clouds waiting for me, giving me the strength to pull through. And really, thats all I need.


It might not be THE NORM & people might not agree .
But atleast I have the balls to


It makes me laugh, the people who are so anti-christ, and go around ranting on about "666 this" and "you're not real that", because I mean, do you seriously think that God cares about afew idiots who don't believe in him?

He is so much bigger than that, he is the creator of all, the king of the universe, but yet people think saying their stupid shit is gunna affect him? Pfft!

10 August 2009


I've decided that life is weird , and Im keen to focus on just me!

4 August 2009


Its kinda funny, how the things that seem the smallest to you, can be the biggest to others?

31 July 2009


first sober weekend in like a milli months!
its 6.41pm on Friday night;
and im already on my deathbed O:

30 July 2009


im on my ulti deathy atm.

28 July 2009


Tell me why everytime something so good is happening to me, and I begin to come to terms with my new blessing, I feel like its just snatched away from me, like I dont deserve it.

Tell me why guys can just say so much BULLSHIT and not mean a word of it.
Tell me why he thinks he can go from one girl to another, and still expect for me to wait around for him.

Why the fuck should I wait around for someone, who is just going to fuck me over in the end?

Sometimes he makes me just want to give up on love.


Now I think about it,
He doesnt deserve me, or my love.

27 July 2009


Lord, take away my fear , my guilt and my jealou y.
Take away my insecurities and let me trust him , and love him the way he deserves.

23 July 2009


I love Life;
& I love you.

20 July 2009

20 July 09

First day back at school& suprising Im still alive (;
It wasnt even that bad!
All the teachers gave us quick run-downs on whats happenin' this term;
Made me realise Im gunna need to actually work hard :O


16 July 2009


So lemme get this straight.
Being honest about how you feel to someone makes you a bad person and a so called "bitch" but not saying a word while still resenting the person you say is so precious to you is the right thing to do..?


we havent actually spoke recently, but since you have ended some of your other friendships with people who are close to me, you have assumed our friendship has come to an end too; which i suppose it has :/ i dont know whether to be guttered or happy. i guess i'll just let it be.


things have been said and done;
and we are all moving on from here,
but what gets me is how some people seem to think its algood to get involved and put their two cents in.. acting like we are bad people, when one - its not their business and two, they dont know the story.

14 July 2009


this is all pretty f**ked up.

- howdidthishappen.

People change, its a natural part of life.

Eventually, everyone goes there own ways, yuhp - it sucks, but also its just a part of growing up and you have to learn adapt to change. You might not always change for the best, or it might seem like that, but in the end, everything ends up sorting itself out and fitting into place.

I guess sometimes, we just need to accept the change and move on.

-- fuckitalltbhlolzomggtfo.

14 July 09

Wow. These holidays have turned out, not even close to how I expected!
But the weirdest day of all would have to be Saturday.

It was meant to be a night when, for once, all us babes were togethz & and now,
I couldnt feel any more apart :/

5 July 2009


Everything seems so different lately =/
And I dont know why.

30 June 2009


Life ; Lord & Love
30 June '09

Holy Shiitt!
Just realised its like, half way through the year.. >.<
Whats up with that?
I feel like I havent really done anything productive allyear :/
Life is good at th mo though , im sick tho :(
but I have been 4 like a month!
That is all 4 now.


I have decided I CBF making my blogs
interesting , colourful or meaningful

Cos' I dont have enough to complain about (;

29 June 2009

im not posting this -

GAHHH. Im in such a bad mood.

25 June 2009


Father, you know Im waiting for a miracle.
And miracles aren't out of reach for a glorious God as yourself.

22 June 2009


The person who has suprised me the mostly lately is the person I thought I knew the best.
Myself >.<

15 June 2009

is it just me?

I read other people blogs,
and wonder..
Am I the only girl not totally inlove with somene I cant have?
I havent even written a blog about a guy I can't have,
that someone that I truely love who doesnt love me in return..
Is it quite common for people to be so unlucky in love?
Or is it just the people with bloggers ;)

Beliefs --

I strongly believe in God .

I think that at the end of the day , when you feel like you have nothing left , if you have Jesus in your soul and you have a strong relationship with the Lord - you can never really have nothing left .
Because you'll always have God , whether you want too or not .

' You may forget about him , but he never will forget about you . '

4 June 2009

Lord -

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

I know I am just beggining to have a relationship with you , but already I feel such a strong love and deep connection with you . When I pray , the feelings that run through my body are out of this world.

No fear , no insecurities , no nothing - you have all my sorrows and sadness . My grief and guilt - I give to you , because you have my all .

my heart . my love and my soul x

20 May 2009


Life . is an amazing thing .

one minute, you can be on top of the world.
and in the next minute, your life can change forever.

A phone call. A text. Message. MSN.

Anything can happen.

thats why you must ALWAYS cherish the good things .
always let the ones you love come first in your life .
and live your life to the full .

life , atm (:

20 - 05 - 09
Life is so good atm :]
Just over a week til Bradleys party - I've been staying sober until then.
Talk about hard >.<
School is getting hard , and abit nervs about exams .
But abit of me is quietly confident ;0
- fingers crossed -
Love life?
Think Ive got . " options " ;)
Everything seems to be going prettymuch schweeet!

12 May 2009


I cannot understand.
For me, personally, I dont think relationships are hard.
They can be hard, but only if you make them that way.
IMO, if it's that hard - its time to end it.

It is not very difficult to break up with someone, especially if they are hurting you all the time.

Why would you stay around when you end up in tears?
Girls, its not that hard.


stop stressing. stop stressing. stop stressing. stop stressing. stop stressing. stop stressing. stop stressing.
its not the end of the world, ffs.

27 April 2009

-- 27/04

In a way, parties are stupid.
I mean, girls spend hours picking out what to wear.
How to wear our hair and how to do our make-up.
We get all dolled up and spray on an excessive amout of perfum.
But for what?

By the end of the night...
Our make-up is smudged..
Hair is a mess..
The smell of alcohol and ciggarette smoke lingers around us...

We've lost our dignity.. and repsect

So why do we do it... ?

14 April 2009

what is this world coming too?

I just read one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard of.
It was an article on yet another case of Animal Abuse.

It actually made me sick to my stomach.
I think people who abuse animals, in any way or form, is completely sick. It is fucked up and totally disgusting. What kind of malicious and mentally disturbed person gets "thrills" or any form of entertainment from seeing defenceless and beautiful animals hurt? Who would want to see that? Why would you set your viscious dog or your raging fists onto another being? You need therapy if you think that is explainable behaviour. I think if you have abused, killed or hurt an animal in any way possible, you should be severe punishment. Not jail, no you should get what you did to that poor creature, done back to you. If you make your two pitbull terriers onto a puppy and let the puppy get totally ripped up, you deserve to get two vicious dogs attacking you. You must have something seriously wrong with you if you could even think of such putrid actions.
Animal abusers - you are sick.

5 April 2009

life is like a puzzle.

Life is like a puzzle.
we spend our whole lives, searching for our matching piece.
the piece that fits perfectly into place beside you.
the piece that makes your jigsaw complete.
I want to find my piece.
here i stand, at age fourteen.
wanting to fall inlove.
wanting to get married.
wanting to start my life, with my soulmate.
wanting to start a family.
buy my first home.
become a grand-mother.
grow old with the one I love.
look back on my life and smile.
and then die, after living a long and happy life.

people say.

People say, Dont judge a book by its cover.
But its easier said than done.

When you see someone walking down the street, you judge them. Even if you dont mean to, or want to, you sub-conciously do. Life is all about appearance, its only natural to judge someone on their outer shell.

In life, we all spend so long saying "dont judge me" and "dont label me" etc, but then we spend so much time judging people who don't fit our perception of "cool" or "normal". We spend our days saying we dont care what people think, but then we spend hours putting on make-up and doing our hair, shaving our legs and spraying fragances onto our bodies. Life is all about appearances, thats how you get what you want. How you make a statement and how you get attention.

I wish life wasn't so beauty controlled, but it is.
And all we can do is face the facts.

Life is about how you look.

But it doesnt mean that you should think you are only worthy if you are beautiful.
It means you have to work hard to get people to notice your own beauty.



life is all about pretending.
i am not perfect.
i am imperfect.
i dont wake up looking good.
i dont have the perfect body.
i probably have cellulite.
i love reading.
i think too much.
i want to fall in love.
i fall for guys easily.
i like drinking.
i cannot stand liars.
i love doing my hair and make-up.
i have dreams.
i set myself goals.
i dont like to think about negative things.
i dont like people watching me write.
i want to find someone who wants to know everything about me.
i like asking questions.
i love writing,
i am selfless.
i feel like im always fixing other peoples problems.
i want someone to be interested in me, and what i have to say.
i cry in movies, alot.
i wish my family was closer.
i believe in myself.
i think i am talented.
Im sick of pretending.


we all have stories to tell.
we have all had good, bad and sad experiences.
some we regret, some we will never forget.
all in all, we cannot take them back.
all we must do is learn from the bad, and remeber the good.

24 March 2009

-- woosah.

One Last Love
I dont think you know, just how much I love you.

We have been through too much to give up on our friendship. Ive seen you cry, you've seen me cry. We've laughed, we've smoked and we've drunk. We have had our fights and we have had our great times.

I remember the first time I laid eyes on you. I thought
"I've gotta tap that shit"
And I set out to get to know you...
I added you on bebo, and we started talking from then. I got your number, and then we startetexting. I dont know why, or how but you ended up at my house.
I remember you were giving me shit about something while I was cooking, so I decided to burn it to get you back. You still ate it, but Im sure you hated it lol!
From then on, we started hanging out more and more. Every chance you could, you would come over and we would hangout and you started staying the night here so much! We were becoming best mates [:
By this time, last year, we were best friends and I could tell you anything. I could always go to you when I was down and you could do the same with me.
I dont really know what happened, maybs its cos you left school or maybs we just faded apart.. but slowly, it happened.

Now, we barely see eachother. I dont know if you think you are too cool or you just dont care anymore but, I hope you know how much losing you has hurt me. All then nights I've spent, crying when I think about our old times.. Texting you and waiting for your reply, that never comes.. Callling you, but no-ones home...

Everytime I see you makes me so happy, and the hardest part is seeing you walk away..

Just so you know, I will always be here for you. I will always love you.
And I promise you this.

-- 05678

You are a BABE!
Gosh, I dont know if I rubbed
off on you, or you rubbed off on me,
but all I know is you and me are
total BABES when we are together.
The * hot * voices and the lovely
facials we do, have just grown to
be part of our everyday lives. You
are so gorgeous my darling and I know
you know it! We have actually known eachother
fo' ages as now, but we have only been tight since
College, but Im glad we became better mates..I mean
better men [; I think you are someone who
I will be mates for life with, well I hope!
You are so sweet!
You are such a sweety, I never hear you
talk shit or bitch about anyone :o Apart from CERTAIN
scene kids -ahem DROPDEADKIDS- [;
You are such a good artist and I hear a very good
singer too! You are so pretty hun, and I hope you
know that. I am glad we are becoming better mates
cos I really like you and I hope you like me too!
You laugh so easily and it is always fun to be with you.
LuFf YeW HeApS [;
Your so scene [;
Haha kidding love, you are a straight
M-TOWN GANGSTER. You are such a
expert when it comes to pulling faces
and creeping me out over MSN. I miss seeing you
at school and in the weekends! You are
actually a really smart girl, and I sometimes
wonder why someone as switched on as you
makes so many silly choices, but its your life,
I aint gonna tell you how to live it! [:
I hope you stay safe and dont go forgetting
us Upper Hutt babes!
I love you already!
I know we havent hung out much but
the times we have, I have enjoyed alot [:
You are such a crack up
and you have such cool hair!
You take the babest pictures when your drunk and
you are always up for a good time!
I hope we become even better mates and
start hanging out alot more!

-- 01234.

Im in full on ily with you.
We have been friends for
like, soo many years, but only in
the last couple of years have we
become lovers [; I cant and dont
want to imagine life without you,
I have gotten to the point where
if I dont see you for more than a
week, Im near death :o You make
me laugh and lard so badly and
I hope we stay close friends fo' life!
You make me LMAO.
You are fully one of the most
talented people I know.
The things you can do with your
face, and the noises you can make,
are fully out of this world.
You freakin light up my life and give
me a reason to live. I have had so
many funny times with you and
I know there will be many more
to come! I love you so much, and remember,
CC but Amber Can [;
You are such a babe!
You are so bloody beautiful,
I hope you know that. You
are such an awesome singer and
a great screw, what more could I
want? You and me arent very close atm,
but I hope over the years we grow
to be more than just booty calls, and one
day even a civil union may be on the
cards [; You are such and alky and a
stoned keeent but i still love ya!
You are such a dork!
You say the silliest things sometimes,
and I know I can be pretty mean to
you but I know you still love me.
You are such a babe and Im only
joking when I say you have ADD!
I know we arent BFF's or anything,
but I still count you as one of my good as
mates and I think one day we will be
closer friends. We need to hangout more
fo' sho and def. do some more sleepovers.
Im sorry if I am a bitch to you, I dont try to be!
I know your just a very.. unique person [;

-- my other love.


the laughs, the photos and the stuff we just cant remember.
my life, would suck, without you (;
woah, like we were saying the other day, its almost been 3 years now . man, how time flys :o

i remember when we first met, back in year 9, we didnt know eachother, and if it wasnt for that night that you and amy came to stay, we might not of even got to know eachother! so thank god for that night :)

after that night, you prettymuch moved in here lol! we would stay up all night and then say we were gonna do something the next day, but we just ended up sleeping in until like 1pm, then we'd just end up doing nothing til nightime again haha!

we have had so many funny and great times together. and so many we cant even remember. i got you into so many dodgy things, but im sure you love me for it! [; haha.. we have gone away together, got wasted together and even had the police involved while we were together!

i can tell you anything, cos i know you wont judge me or go tell anyone and i always go to you with all my boy troubles! i hope you feel the same way about me (:

i just want to thank you so much for being my best friend over these years and putting up with all the bad things ive done and shared all the good times with me!

always remember,


-- for you.


my babe. my bub. my baby. my poos. my frogface. my gun man. my gunz. my it. my love. my hun. my pooface. my lagz. my pwetti. my guddaz.

What would I do without you?

we've been going out for almost 3 whole years now, and i must say.. i still love you like i did when we first met [:

you are a great friend, you always keep me busy whether its making me do your hair or asking for my advice, its always a challenge, but a good type of one.

you share my love for Saw movies and for "going to the hutt" and we are always laughing when we are together. we have been through heaps of stuff together, like going away, birthdays, xmas and all the good times (in the jeep) [;

i really love having you as a mate [:
i hope we stay best friends for ages and remember,


23 March 2009


Monday 23 March O9

Happy Birthday Whitnall [:

Today, was a good day.
Apart from it being like, -100 degrees. seriously!

Ive been thinkin heaps about gettin my lisence.. Im pretty keen aye, buh I've got a whole month & abit til my bday so.. I gotta waiiittt! Buh I've been readin abit about the road code & shit like that..

Thinking about This Weekend.

Theres no like, hardout plan or anythin. Jus think a group of us girls are going to movie in the park - ( does even know if its on ) Hope it is like, on!

Birthday soon, kinda ;)

Pretty keen as for the big 15.
Keen to have a party/drinks.
Meant to be having a joint party with Soph buh its turnin into be a big drama with her parents :/ So not too sure about it atm.

Im sure it will be sweet as thou!

Keen fo' ...

Hmm, that special boy? ;)
Lets jus see what happens there aiiggghhtt!


brrrrrrr --

Not too keen on the weather atm.
Its abit too freezing!

16 March 2009



the way you talk to me.
the way you act.
the way you are so ignorant to how i feel.
the way you call me "your" girl or "your" baby.
the way you forgot me.
the way you tell me you have feelings for me, you say im the only girl for you, the only girl you want, the only girl.

the only girl.


10 March 2009

weather --

Its so bizzare, how the weather can change your mood, in an instant.

When the sun is shining, and there is warmth in the air, it brings a smile to my face and makes me feel better about my day. The bright day and chirping birds gets me on a Summery high.

But when its a grey, stormy day and the cool air sends chills down my spine. As I watch the dark clouds and the raindrops drip down my windows, I feel sad and my smile dissapears.

But then, on the cloudy days, when there is an overcast and the weather can't really decide what its doing, it can be the best kind of weather. Its not too hot or too cold, and I can go outside and lose myself in the gusting wind and watch as the leaves fall from the trees.